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Monday, March 24, 2008
Dark Cloud
I read somewhere that Churchill called it his Black Dog. It feels more like a cloud that can wrap around the base of my spine
and make me feel my life is worthless and my thoughts are crazy, throws me into deep philosophical conversations with my brother
about the true intent to life and occasionally spikes me into a panic so profound that I can't breath properly.
and no guys, it is not pms, although I am having that this week too and it doesn't help. What does help is
going for a drive (don't own a car up here) or a walk (not advisable in -35 weather although that is warmer than it has
been...and it's snowing AGAIN!!!), neither of which I can do. and my release date approacheth. Could that be a stressor?
Maybe. Who knows at this point. All I can cope with is the fact that I'm deep in my dark cloud (depression, diagnosed).
Try to write, my word count is 500 per night. I made it tonight, but not on my story. Something else, self-confessional
bullpucky. Tripe. Maybe it's something, more than likely nothing. I tried.
Try. Sorry Yoda, try is sometimes all
I can do. So I guess I wind up failing a lot.
There's a bunch of quotes on my wall that I see when I get up
in the morning and the one that has been there, mocking me as I glaze over it the past couple of weeks has been "Life
shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage". I can't even remember who said it. But I saw it today.
Hope is sometimes the hardest thing for me to find. I just have to keep going and have faith I guess. But in what?
24 mar 08 @ 10:10 pm
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